Hello, World!

Happy Saturday!! We've got a few plans today. Mostly involving seeing family. We'll be spending time in Washington this afternoon with my amazing in laws. But for now, here's a picture of my son playing with his toys.

Sometimes friends say goodbye.

I got the chance to have a cup of coffee with a good friend of mine last night.  We've both been having a rough week and needed the chance to talk and vent and it was lovely.  One of the things we talked about, extensively, was the death of a friendship.

I truly believe there are some people who are placed in your life and are soul mates.  Those people are meant to be in your life forever, always holding a special place in your heart.  But there are other people who are placed in your life and are meant to only be there for a short time.  They're not permanent.  They're not meant to be life-long friends.  They're also not meant to be the person you spend the rest of your life with if you find yourself in a romantic relationship with them.  They are meant only for the purpose of supporting you through a certain period in your life.  That could mean high school, college, med school, first job, your first real grown up relationship.  Anything.  Eventually, though, those friendships and relationships end.  Sometimes they go out in a blaze of glory like a dying star, other times they just fizzle and die away, like a sparkler on the 4th of July.  But it just shows that, sometimes, people aren't meant to be forever friends.

I'm learning to be ok with that.  I'm a chronic over-feeler.  I've got a bad habit of feeling emotions 1000% stronger than anyone else.  When I feel love for someone, it's to the extreme.  When I feel a connection with someone that I have a lot in common with, I wonder if we're meant to be good friends.  It's a habit born of years of insecurities, hoping (sometimes beyond hope) that I've found a new friend.  I've been trying to learn, now that I'm older, how to not feel things so deeply.  How to make myself take a step back and evaluate things and think them through instead of feeling them with my heart so strongly.

This week I realized that one of my good friends has been distancing themselves from me.  It's been hard; I've been pushed aside and it hurts my feelings.  Part of me knows that things like this happen.  Realistically, not all relationships are meant to last forever.  But another part of me, the part of me that feels things so much stronger than I should, think that it hurts so badly to be tossed aside like an outgrown, outdated pair of shoes. I helped you get to where you are now.  I supported you and helped you walk along the path you're on in your life.  But, for some reason, when the tough things really started to happen, I wasn't the one you turned to asking for help.

I am realizing, though, that this is ok.  It's ok for my friend to want to seek help from someone else.  It doesn't necessarily mean this person loves me less, it just means they need help from someone better equipped to help them than I am.

I hope, sincerely, that you find the path you're meant to be on.  I hope that you find love.  True love.  All encompassing love.  Love that carries you and supports you through anything you endeavor to do.  I hope that you find your calling in life and follow that call.  I hope that you find true friends and meaningful relationships, even if I'm not one of them.  Which I hope I am.  I hope that when your time comes, you look back on your life and think of me with happy thoughts and a thankful heart.  I know I will.  You will always be so important to me.  If this really is the end of our friendship, I want to say thank you for always being the best friend I needed.  Thank you for everything.  You are an amazing person.  You deserve the world on a string.

I confess...

...I have a fear of baking with yeast.  Yeah, you know, the stuff you use to make bread?  Or cinnamon rolls?  Or whatever else.  Yeah, terrifies me.  I'm ok if I'm baking with my handy dandy bread machine because it does a LOT of the work for me (think: kneading.  Repeatedly).  BUT, when it comes to free-handing it, I'm pretty dern skerd.

So, here's my goal.  I'm thinking about making a batch of homemade bread this weekend.  Nothing too spectacular, maybe just a nice loaf of white bread.  But I need a good beginner's recipe.  Something that doesn't require special tools (think stand mixer) and can be done without stressing me the hell out.  So here's what I need from you guys.  Suggestions.  Email me at katiejoATsuddenlink.net or Facebook me or Twitter me (tweet me?) or whatever you want.  I'm a social media whore so I'm always on some social site or another.  Hell, you can even tag me on Pinterest if that's what floats your boat (hint, hint, Amanda).

And...GO!

OMG! My son's a toddler!

When did this happen?   When did my little Lima bean become a walking, singing, feeding himself toddler?  I must have blinked.  I must have not been paying attention.  There's no way his babyhood flew by so quickly!

I know every new parent hears the phrase "Enjoy it while you can!  It goes by so fast!" about 2,316 times before the baby even turns 6 months old, but you don't really appreciate the enormity of this statement until you actually have a little kiddo of your own running around.

I've heard from several of my mommy friends that it seems to go even faster with the second than the first.  Maybe that's because you've already got your hands full with one child and you don't get to enjoy the Stop and Smell the Roses kind of moments like you did when you were a family with just one child.  (Which, if I might point out, is another argument for just having one kid.  Just saying!)

So, anyway, all that to say V3 is one.  I'm a mommy to a kid who can now express his own opinion about things (even if I often have NO idea what he's actually trying to tell me).  He can feed himself his pancakes and his peas and he would much rather do it himself than have me help.  

He never ceases to amaze me.  He's got a HUGE personality in one little body.  I am astonished at how vocal he can be about things sometimes.  And he's handsome.  Oh my gosh is he cute.  He melts my heart.

Being a mommy to such a cute little boy makes my life complete.

Happy birthday, V3.  Mommy and dada love you more than you will ever know!!

Hello, Monday...Goodbye, weekend.

This was another wonderful weekend. I'm sad to see it go. But this week holds lots of exciting things.

Little boy turns 1 on Sunday. I cannot believe its been a whole year. My heart is overwhelmed with so many emotions. Happiness, joy, sadness over the past year being gone, and, mostly, an overwhelming sense of being eternally blessed.

I am looking forward to his first birthday party. It won't be anything grand...just friends and family, cake and I've cream. But it's giving me a sense of sadness...my little boy isn't a baby any more. He's already a toddler. When did this happen??

Rainy day blues.

I've always been sensitive to the weather.  And a lack of sunshine.  And this week has been no different.  While the last couple of days have been warm by Eastern Carolina standards, it's been slightly overcast and (today) downright nasty.

It's raining/drizzling this morning and all I want to do is go home and go back to bed.  That could have something to do with the fact that I was up at 5:00 this morning with a fussy baby.  It could also be the fact that I have had the CRAZIEST dreams the last few nights and it's truly starting to disrupt my sleep.

Last night I dreamt I got attacked by a hairy rattlesnake.  Yes...hairy.  And it was a horribly vivid dream that I had a hard time shaking when I awoke from it.  I woke feeling like I had the creepy crawlies and things were biting me.  It was horrible.  It's the same kind of dreams and sensations I had when I was on Citalopram (an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety I was on for a short period of time before I got pregnant).  Needless to say, it was a horrible way to start my day.

So, basically, I'm feeling down in the dumps today.  I'm a little out of it and I'm having a hard time getting motivated.  On a brighter note, today is AA Milne's 130th birthday.  The many adventures of Christopher Robin and Pooh are some of my son's favorite stories right now.  Happy Birthday, Mr. Milne.  Here's to hoping many, many more generations of children get to experience the joy of a silly bear and his best friend.

Where has time gone?

I realized today that it's been an eon and a half since I blogged. I've been avoiding it...that airing out of the mind that happens when you put yourself out there for the world to see. I've been busy...having a child and watching him morph into a toddler in front of your very eyes is amazing.

And challenging.

And scary.

And so rewarding.

V3 is an amazing little guy with the sweetest temperament. I am blessed and genuinely thankful that I'm lucky enough to be his mom. How on earth did I get this lucky??

This is just a small hello. Something to let you know I'm back. I'm not gone or dead or anything else. This blog is my place to vent and I've needed that. Missed it dreadfully, actually.

Hello, everyone. My name is Katie and I've missed you!